The idea of being with somebody from another country has always captivated me. I thought it was exciting, different and exotic. The challenge is that sooner than later, culture kicks in and things begin to change but it doesn’t have to be like that.

So I want to share with you 3 things to know before marrying a foreigner. Before I forget, I’ve also made a video about this in case you want to check:

Do not make assumptions

In multicultural relationships it’s common to defend our own culture and to make assumptions about our partner’s culture. We defend our own culture because it’s a part of ourselves. Our partner’s culture is different from ours and sometimes that can be scary. But it’s these assumptions about our partner’s culture that makes that culture look more weird. Cultural stereotypes are a source of misunderstanding and often kill a discussion before it started.

Instead of forming a strong opinion about our partner, it’s key to understand where they are coming from and respect that not everyone is the same and that’s alright. It’s great to embrace differences too. Sometimes reading into our partner’s culture, history and visiting the country/town where they are from, make it easier for us to understand.

For example, only when I was able to travel to Lithuania my brain “clicked” and understood so many different things about her. The way she speaks, lifestyle, opinions about certain topics, eating habits, music, humour, how they celebrate events and so on. Everything started to click. And it’s OK not to like everything but there needs to be some respect here. This is key to know before marrying a foreigner.

Communication goes beyond languages

We all have a different way of communicating. For instance, some people prefer to sugar-coat criticism, or don’t talk about negative things. Other people, however, like an honest and open approach. In multicultural relationships this can be a big challenge. This challenge develops over time, usually after a few months.

Instead of picking fights about these cultural differences, we try to talk about these differences. We try to find out which communication style we both prefer and see if we can come to an agreement together. Of course we do have fights or arguments and during those moments it can be difficult to remember which style we both prefer. So it’s important that we can tell each other when we feel offended or not taken seriously. This is also key to know before marrying a foreigner

Kristina’s native language is Lithuanian, she also speaks English and now she’s learning Spanish. My native language is Spanish and I speak English, Portuguese and French and hopefully Lithuanian at some point this year. Actually I have an article talking about how I learned these languages, so you might want to check it out.

Location isn’t a big deal

This was one of the most dramatic lessons we learned in our relationship. For couple of years we had a distance relationship as I was spending 80% of my week in Switzerland for work, so we adjusted and developed new ways to be closer. She used to visit me and spend days in Switzerland before heading back to the UK. In fact I think we travelled more in Switzerland than in any of our native countries.

Happiness can be created anywhere. It is not a place; it’s taking action together to achieve our dreams, and no border or cultural barrier can stop us in that precious process. In a multicultural marriage, we found ourselves capable of creating a life and home anywhere in the world.

Being able to choose between two countries to settle in is a chance that the average person doesn’t have. Being married to a Lithuanian, I can work/live in Lithuania at any time I like, which opens up more possibilities for me. And the same for her if she wanted to go to Argentina. In fact, we can choose between more countries, because we’re based in London, UK (that’s where we have our home at the moment) so for us it’s really three countries at the very least.

Being in a multicultural relationship is the experience of a lifetime. I feel fortunate to be in this marriage and have the chance to live between her culture, my culture and the culture of the place we live and celebrate all of them.